The Lake House

Have you ever had one of those truly epiphanic moments in your life where there is no question you are most definitely in the right place at the right time?  Well, I had one of those moments yesterday and it has lit a fire within. A few weeks ago, me and Ryan (my boss at Creative Roots Landscaping) paid a visit to the Arion Therapeutic Farm.

In short, the philosophy of the Farm is to create a safe and caring environment for special needs individuals that supports the development of new skills, increased independence, explores new opportunities and creates new abilities through recreation.  Therapeutic Farm activities include interaction with horses, Therapeutic Riding, interacting with small farm animals (Farm Discovery), Habitat Explorations, Nature Encounters, and opportunities for Groups and Birthday Celebrations.

Our company will be spending time at the farm helping with whatever landscaping, irrigation and construction jobs we can help with, and I will be volunteering my own time as a horse leader and side-walker among website, admin, and fundraising duties wherever I can help.  This is the shit that gets me excited in life, and the opportunity to work with the kids and horses couldn’t make me happier.

So, be prepared.  If I know you and know how to find you, I will be asking for help.  The farm is so new and the community awareness just isn’t there, so that is where I truly hope to help.  If you are a business owner and I know you, you can bet I will be asking for sponsorship of a horse for the year and anything else I can ask for.

If you don’t ask for things, how do you expect to get them, right?  All you have to do is ASK!

This is one of the most amazing and unique places I have had the pleasure of visiting, and the potential to help here is limitless.  Now all I have to do is find a really kick-ass allergy medication (did I not mention that I’m allergic to horses?) and I will be set.

Well, its Hump Day and I am still thinking about the amazing weekend I had.  Me and my BFF had a very relaxing time lounging by her pool on Saturday while we hydrated with pitchers of Mojitos and capped it off with an incredible steak dinner.  Definitely expanded my “cheat meal” into a “cheat day” but it was well worth it!  I can’t remember the last time the two of us hung out and did nothing but sun tan, drink, talk about boys and everything else under the sun, and simply RELAXED.  Both of our lives are so hectic during the week and with her hubby out of town watching the drag races, we capitalized on the opportunity to have some girl time.  Sunday involved a bit of family visiting and then we were back by the pool (sans the alcohol this time) where we both felt like we should be doing something more useful with our time.  That silly thought lasted about 5 seconds and we were back in hang-out mode until about 6 pm where the reality of making dinner and getting ready for the work week slapped us in the face.

This weekend is shaping up to be one of too many choices.

I have an opportunity for a quick road trip to Calgary for the last of Stampede as well as a chance to hook up with “K” when he lands here at the airport on Sunday night before heading home.  There is also the fact that the weather has sucked here the last couple of days and summer is back in full swing for the next 5 days.  This means more pool time.  I am trying to figure out a way to do everything (as usual) so we shall see what happens.  I bought some new workout toys yesterday and am kicking my fitness routine into high gear in preparation for a weekend of debauchery in Kamloops in a couple of weeks (during which I may not see the inside of a gym), so I have to weigh the trip to Calgary heavily.  The chance of hooking up with my most amazing trainer are slim as he typically does not work during Stampede, but I will ask nicely and see what he says.  I also have to ask myself if I am ready to go back to Calgary and that answer still is not clear to me.

No matter how I slice it, the weekend will be very interesting to say the least.

I will let that sit in for a minute while your brain tries to process.  I bet I can guess with Kreskin-style accuracy what almost all of you are thinking.

Not out of the realm of possibility is that it is what you are thinking, but for the purpose of this post, its something different.

For those of you that are close to me, you know that I just spent the last nine months dealing with a very difficult decision that I made in the Fall.  I paid my dues, was a good little girl, and now I am free from that burden.  I don’t need to share specifics for any of us to grasp that whenever you go through a challenge in your life that consumes so much of your thoughts, emotions, and time and you finally come back into yourself – its really like a rebirth.

Nine months.

I wonder what the next Nine Months has in store for me.

There is an old song from the 80’s by a band called Straight Lines called Letting Go.mp3.  I heard it on the radio recently and found myself waking up this morning with that song playing over and over in my head.  For those of you that are not familiar with the song, its basically about learning to let go of that great love in your life that is so easy to have around.  In this case, its about a person, but great love comes in many forms.

It could be a person, stuff, a beloved pet, your youth…take your pick.

I would like to believe that everyone at some point encounters their one, true “epic love”.  You know what I mean – the kind of love that gets so far into the depths of your heart and soul that you truly believe it could even transcend death itself.  Yes, I am still a hopeless romantic even after all that I have been through.

This could be a temporary lapse in emotional judgment, so just go with it for now.

What I have yet to mention is that this can go either way.  You can find your “epic love” and have true happiness in your life, or you can lose your epic love through no choice of your own and end up with a broken heart and a broken soul.  I would suggest that the latter of these two is the least recommended route to take if one can help it.

Whatever the journey you travel towards Letting Go, make sure it is a journey that is not just comprised of wallowing and self-doubt.  It should be a journey of self-discovery, lessons learned, and somewhere buried beneath it all, a renewed hope for what the future may hold.

We are almost 3 official days into Spring and a week and a half into my Boot Camp.  The weather has been absolutely amazing and my muscles are feeling the burn of some hard-core workouts in the great outdoors.  This past weekend also marked the beginning of a 3-week visit from my dog Kozmo.  The emotional hibernation is officially over as its really difficult to feel blue when everything around you is experiencing a rebirth.  So, it only seems fitting that I join the proverbial club and get with the program.  I live on the lake, have a new job that I really enjoy, and am getting more work than I know what to do with.  The best part of all of this is the fact I am getting paid to exercise and help others reach their fitness goals 3 days every week.  Dont’ get me wrong – the new schedule is taking a bit of getting used to – but I would rather have way too much to do than too little.

I still reflect, sometimes wallow a bit for things in my life that I have lost, but I also am gaining a new perspective and attitude about things and life in general.  Out of the darkness always comes light, and the resilience of the human soul never ceases to amaze me.  Life can definitely kick your ass and the bruises never completely go away, but once you find acceptance and the ability to let go of the things that aren’t worth sacrificing your heart and soul for, those bruises don’t seem so bad any longer.

This weekend Spring was readily apparent in the Okanagan, and the beautiful weather brought with it that good old feeling of finally shedding the winter doldrums and embracing a new season.  While not my favourite of the seasons (Summer and Fall rank in the top 2), this particular anticipation of the official start of Spring just around the corner is very different for me this year.  My reality is not at all where I expected to be, but there are fantastic possibilities and the fulfillment of a long-time dream in store for me.  On March 15th I am FINALLY launching my very own Boot Camp, completely outdoors in my hometown.  This is combined with another goal to obtain my full fitness certification to not only live my own healthy lifestyle, but to help others do the same!  For me, that is worth looking forward to.

Where the birds come in is that when I was outside today getting back from a glorious outdoor workout, I noticed that there were a ton of little birds all around my Lake House making all kinds of noise.  The chirping sounds have been starting for a little bit now, but nothing like the onslaught of bird activity that took place today.  It is one of those things that just makes you smile and be thankful that you are alive.  I spent the Winter in emotional hibernation, and today I started to feel like one of those little birds, ready to be heard and spread my wings to embrace this amazing transformation to a new season and an improved self.  All of this will help me in my journey to accomplishing a fitness goal that I have had for quite some time now (it shall remain a secret for now) and pushing myself beyond where I ever thought I could be.  I had hoped to fulfill this end goal with my life’s love, but doing it on my own will be my greatest achievement.

I can hardly wait to see how this turns out.

It has been said ‘time heals all wounds’…I do not agree.  The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.

~ Rose Kennedy ~

How many times throughout our lives have we heard this saying, “time heals all wounds”?  I’m sure if I had a nickle for each, I would be a rich woman.  Rose had it right…dead on.  Wounds we thought were long forgotten – buried – have a way of rising to the surface at any given moment.  Perhaps a song, a smell, or a place from our past can at once bring us to the joy of the moment we experienced and the overwhelming pain and sadness that we feel with the loss of it all.  There is not a one of us who has not experienced some type of loss, and for the most part, we carry on in our daily lives, forging ahead as we have no choice but to do – for the alternative is unspeakable.  Just when you think you are doing well, getting on with things, we can be snapped back into the reality of our pain as if no time had passed at all.

So, what do we do about it?

The most valuable of life’s lessons are learned in the classes that were the hardest to take.  We try to belittle our sadness and pain by saying things like “there are people worse off”, and to some extent, that is always true.  We cannot spend our days wallowing in the sadness and despair of others less fortunate, for if we did, I submit it would be hard for most of us to get out of bed each day, let alone function with some sense of normalcy.  If you are sick, rest assured there is someone sicker; if you suffer heartbreak, you can bet there is someone out there suffering more deeply than you.  Indulging in these thoughts, for a brief moment, can also be healing – lets us know that we are not alone and that from our own personal tragedies, we can rejoice in the healing that will eventually come for all of us.

Healing…

…it is a very personal and unique journey that each of us must travel.  Making that journey – and reaching the final destination – is what defines us.  What I have learned is that we must respect that journey in each other, even if we may not agree with it.  That is the beauty of human beings – we all have our own way of dealing…of “healing”…and there is truly no right or wrong way.  As with any road trip worth taking, the most important thing you can have along the way is the love and support of those closest to you.  It is for those that have no one that I feel the most pain and sadness for.

Sometimes in the journey of healing, we find what we were seeking all along in the comfort of helping someone who is less fortunate than we are.

I still believe in humankind…and I believe that before our journey ends, we will all find a way to heal ourselves and each other.

Do you believe in destiny?

I do.

Fate, destiny, fortune.  It has many disguises but its essence is still the same.  All you have to do is a Define: search on Google and you will get an array of responses (define: destiny):

Destiny: an event (or a course of events) that will inevitably happen in the future

Fortune: your overall circumstances or condition in life (including everything that happens to you); “whatever my fortune may be”; “deserved a better fate”; “has a happy lot”; “the luck of the Irish”; “a victim of circumstances”; “success that was her portion”

Regardless of which definition you subscribe to, if you believe in destiny, then you must be of the mindset that everything happens for a reason.  And if you are of this mindset, then you also believe that there is no such thing as coincidence.

Your mind is blown, so let that sink in for a minute.

Our choices and mistakes are what make our destiny and chart the course of our lives.  We all know that hindsight is 20/20, which is why they call it “hind” sight.  How many of us waste time on “coulda, woulda, shoulda” each and every day when faced with adversity.  When good things happen, when we are happy and successful, healthy and in love, we don’t question the choices or mistakes we made that brought us to this good place.

We are living in the moment.

When we are faced with adversity, sickness and heartbreak, the questions we ask are relentless and self-deprecating.

The thing about Destiny is that we have no idea of knowing what that means for each of us.  I cannot change my destiny because I have no idea what it is.  Sometimes we are able to recognize a pattern in our lives that seem to dictate what life’s end game may be, and I question it all the time.  I have learned the hard way that destiny has a funny way of playing tricks on you, and just when you think you can see what’s at the end of the path, where you will end up, you come to a corner that you never expected, an obstacle that you must overcome.

Destiny.

Lately, I have been doing my best to try to live in the moment.  Now, I don’t mean by being an irresponsible flake, but instead by trying not to focus on the past or predict the future.  All I can do is get up each day, be thankful that I am healthy, have a roof over my head, have food in the fridge to nourish me, and am blessed with the love of friends and family that will never let me down; try to let go of the people that have hurt and disappointed me.  Today could be all I have – all any of us has – and the best laid plans for tomorrow could be shot down in flames in an instant.  Regardless of whether we veer off course, zig when we should’ve zagged, we will all inevitably fulfill our destiny.  Some people seem to think they have it figured out, but you can’t change a future that hasn’t happened yet.

Every circumstance in life offers us the opportunity to learn something, even from the most dire of circumstances.  You don’t always see it right away, and I can certainly attest to this as many of us can, but with each circumstance, we learn something about who we are and what we are capable of.  Sometimes it surprises us.  Sometimes its something we wish we had never learned, but our life lessons shape who we are and where we are going.

The answers aren’t always obvious, and there are some that will never come no matter how badly we want them.

Every man has his own destiny: the only imperative is to follow it, to accept it, no matter where it leads him. ~ Henry Miller ~

Call me crazy, but with the holidays over and the New Year under way, I got to thinking about how we communicate with each other.  I heard an interesting debate on the local AM station the other day about Canada Post raising its rates (again) and whether or not people really give a crap.  I mean, who sends letters and cards anymore anyway?  I’ll tell you who – old people.  Now, that is not meant as a slant or to be disrespectful in any way, but it is true.  Our elders come from a time where if you wanted to get in touch with someone, you wrote a letter or made a phone call (on a rotary phone with no call waiting or Caller ID).  It was a time when communication was done in person (What?  Actually go out in public, you say?) and cell phones and texting did not exist.  In a technical world, I am as big a geek as anyone and a definite supporter of the “online” way of doing things – cards, letters, social media – but I find myself longing for a time when I would get something other than a bill or junk in my mailbox.  A nice, old-fashioned piece of mail where someone actually took the time to use a pen and paper, put a stamp on it, and drop it in a mailbox.  Be honest.  How excited do you get (if even a little) when you go to the mailbox and find a card or letter from someone special in your life?  I know I do.

I am no saint in this area, believe me.  Sure, email is faster, more cost-efficient and easier when you are loaded with a laptop and Blackberry, but a personal hand-written note is like nothing else.  So, here is my commitment for the month of January in the dawn of a New Year and decade…I am going to write AT LEAST five letters or cards this month.  Yep, you heard me – five!

Ambitious?  Maybe.

Doable?  Definitely.

I was smart enough to buy Permanent Stamps from Canada Post which I recommend everyone do (to avoid the pain-in-the-butt price hikes), and plan to use some of them this month.  I challenge all my friends and family to do the same.  Pour a glass of wine, make a cup of tea or whatever, sit your ass down with some paper and a pen, and write.  It doesn’t have to be War and Peace, but give it a go.  You may find the break from the computer a welcome indulgence.  So, I challenge all those who read this post to pick five people to send “snail mail” to this month.  Post your comments to let me know how you made out.

I can tell you how many cards I got in the mail for my birthday this year – TWO!  And do you know who they were from?  My aunties.  That’s right – old people.

I rest my case.

P.S.
As of the completion of this post, I have one down.  Four to go…

I was driving back to The Lake House last night after a nice, relaxing trip to The Spa at the Cove for a quick 30-minute massage with my Mom (my Christmas gift to her) when I took notice of something unusual, at least to me.  Maybe I noticed it more this year because I was in a very bah-humbug mood over the holidays, but not many people seem to put up Christmas lights anymore.  I remember when I was a kid, every house on the street would have lights on the outside, those cheesy, huge coloured lights – certainly nothing like the fancy “icicle lights” of today – and there was a tree in almost every window (real, not fake).  It was a pretty big deal.  Christmas was about being with tons of family and friends, feasting on delicious food and drinking rum and egg nog and other beverages typically only reserved for the holiday season.  We didn’t spend a shitload of money on presents that do nothing but detract us from human contact, and everything just seemed to go a lot slower and actually had some kind of meaning.  Now, everyone is so damn busy, we all spend way too much, and the tradition of the festive dinner with family seems to have gone by the wayside for many of us.  This time of year used to bring everyone home – families separated by distance, old friends making the trek home to spend the holidays with family and catch up with long-lost buds at the local pub.  Now everyone does their own thing and its all getting disjointed and empty.

This year, Christmas for me was truly miserable and happy to say I am glad its over.  Never in my life did I ever think I would utter those words, let alone even think them because I happen to LOVE Christmas.  This year, I did not love it.  So many things have changed in my world in the past six months, and this Christmas hit me in the face with the hard realization that the traditions I have come to love and cherish and look forward to in my life have significantly changed.  Some are perhaps gone forever.  What I would truly love to see is a Christmas where you make a special gift for the people you love (this year I did a memory book for someone and some picture frames with amazing photos I have taken for another person), stop the extravagant spending, and have a huge, festive potluck dinner with family and friends all gathered together.  Find some way to help others and give back to those that truly have nothing.

What I have learned from this year, I suppose, is that new traditions need to be forged along the way, even if you do it kicking and screaming the entire time.  As for next year, I can’t think that far ahead right now, but I do hope when the time comes I will find some new tradition to put the joy and true meaning back into Christmas for me, and that would be a really good place to start.